J Query Love

“Marriages are made in heaven” goes the old saying, however some marriages are deemed to be made in hell by society and the majority is unwilling to give their consent to such marriages.

Gay marriage or marriage between the same sexes is sneered upon by many and the US government has reservation to grant legal recognition to such marriage. Though public marriage records of such unions have been found in Connecticut and Massachusetts where it is not considered to be illegal, the Federal government is sternly against such practice.

This has been a controversial political issue for long time and many powerful politicians are against such practices. It is widely believed that same sex marriage can contribute to a staggering rise in AIDS, be emotionally excruciating for children whose parents are involved and could make way for a next social movement for legalization of polygamy or incest.

Some say this is very much against nature and could be detrimental for mankind. The kind of commitment, love and responsibility that is expected in normal marriage is not believed to be there by society in same sex marriage between people. It is believed to be an outlet for base, carnal desires that gives rise to endless misery and pain.

Homosexuality is said to have its root in ancient India and examples are galore. Sculptures and scriptures talk a lot about sexuality between similar gender and such behavior was considered to evoke great sexual pleasure. There are references in The Kamasutra and lesbianism is depicted in unabashedly as a wellspring of sensory pleasure and enjoyment.  Read more... (524 words, estimated 2:06 mins reading time)

When I first set up my practice to help people learn how to turn their marriage around and create a happy relationship, I was astounded by the number of people who had already been to marriage counselors and had failed. I thought my own experiences with marriage counseling were an unfortunate coincidence; my wife and I never found success with marriage counselors. Like everyone else who goes through the process of marriage counseling we were told it was our fault and we had no business being married to each other. The counselors who didn’t tell us this just wasted our time in some cases, while other counselors gave us “things to do” that eroded what little trust we had for each other.

I can vividly remember my wife and I removing ourselves from the kids long enough to share our grievances with each other while the other actively listened. It was an absolute disaster! Yet that was common practice, and from what I hear it still is. Unfortunately most things in marriage counseling have little to do with marriage and therefore won’t produce a successful marriage. The people who are licensed and trained for marriage counseling are typically Freudian therapists who follow more of a godless religion than scientific principles. Don’t waste your money and ruin your marriage by entrusting your lives to them. Now, for the record, there are some who actually help people; I have met them. But they make it very clear that their processes are spiritual, and have left Freudian psychology long ago. They are unadvertised renegades.  Read more... (568 words, estimated 2:16 mins reading time)

Almost half of the marriages fail out of which a major chunk don’t even make it past the first year. Understanding the cause can really help a lot of marriages. Some of the reasons which lead marriages in divorce are lack of proper communication, issues of finances or in some cases the circumstance in which the marriage took place. These issues can be found in any marriage however the essence lies in how these problems are tackles as in otherwise it can lead to a failure in the wedlock.

Communication is necessary for any relationship not only marriage to thrive. Without proper communication the couple individually do not even come to know that the other partner has a problem let alone talking a solution out for it. Communication is not only essential for facing problems but also to feed the relationship. Only through effective communication can the partners have a chance to share passions, hopes, ambitions, etc apart from a healthy manner of resolving their issues. Without effective communication a marriage is definite to end in a failure.

Love may be all it takes for people to whole heartedly marry however it takes something called money also to keep a marriage alive. While financial strains by themselves may not be the direct reason for a failed marriage, the tension coming from these financial high-lows are more than enough to land a marriage in rough waters and in a lot of cases, failure. What happens more often than not is that one partner becomes picky about the financial affairs within the marriage which can be detrimental to marriages.  Read more... (590 words, estimated 2:22 mins reading time)

“We stay married just for the kids…” I can’t tell you how many times I heard that from really good people; couples who were willing to endure almost anything for the sake of their children. They only wanted to save their marriage so their children wouldn’t have to suffer from the mistake they made when they got married to each other.

They were willing to live with the marriage trouble for as long as it took to get their kids all set in life and then part. They just wanted me to help them work out some plan for them to make it a bit more tolerable. “What good people,” I thought! But how sad! They had given up on their marriage because they felt they were incompatible yet they both demonstrated uncommon nobility in their willingness to sacrifice for the kids.

Have you considered Making your Marriage a Happy One?

My thinking is if you are agreeing to live together and just want me to help you have a pact, why not come up with a pact that creates happiness. Did that seem reasonable? “Yes,” they all said, “but our therapist said we never should have been married in the first place and we figured he/she knows what they are talking about…”

I told every couple the same thing:  Read more... (572 words, estimated 2:17 mins reading time)