If I were to ask you who you loved, I am sure you would answer with not just one, but several someones. I wonder, would any of those names be the name of an enemy?

It is easy to love those who love you and are nice to you, but what about those who aren’t nice?

In the days of the American Revolutionary War there lived at Ephrata, Pennsylvania, a Baptist pastor by the name of Peter Miller who enjoyed the friendship of General Washington. There also lived in that town a man named Michael Wittman, an evil-minded man who did all in his power to abuse and oppose this pastor. One day Michael Wittman was involved in treason and was arrested and sentenced to death. The old preacher started out on foot and walked the whole seventy miles to Philadelphia. He was admitted into Washington’s presence and begged for the life of the traitor. Washington said, “No, Peter, I cannot grant you the life of your friend.” The preacher exclaimed, “My friend! No! He is the bitterest enemy I have!” Washington exclaimed, “What? You’ve walked seventy miles to save the life of an enemy? That puts the matter in a different light! I will grant the pardon.” Peter Miller took Michael Wittman from the very shadow of death back to his own home in Ephrata, no longer as an enemy, but as a friend.

One of the prominent characters in the Old Testament is a model of God doing this. “As it is written, Jacob have I loved…” (Romans 9:13)

I’ll let you in on a secret. I don’t like Jacob; I don’t think I really ever have. “But how can you not like one of the Bible’s heroes!? Isn’t that like not liking Jesus?” No it is not. Jacob was a Hebrew patriarch, a man, not God. There is a lot not to like about him. Think about it – Even at birth he was grasping; that is why he was named Jacob (“He who grasps”). From then on he seemed to always be scheming, grasping.

It Bothered Esau. “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob? He has deceived me these two times: He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” (Genesis 27:36) Jacob grasped at the birthright, the blessing, Laban’s cattle….

What about his beloved Rachael? Was he nice to her? What about her sister Leah, Jacob’s first wife? God gave Leah a child because He saw that she was hated! Rachel was treated fine, but Jacob was not even satisfied with her and Leah. He took on concubines. His family life strikes a sour note. Things weren’t good. He quite obviously played favorites; so much so that Joseph’s brothers hated Joseph enough to think of killing him and then sold him into slavery in Egypt.

Here is what strikes me when God brings “Jacob have I loved” to mind. I don’t like Jacob, but God loves him. Even with all the sour, God loves Him. God loves the people I don’t like. This is where the rubber meets the road. We all have people we don’t like. God loves them and tells us to love them in response to Jesus’ love for us.

Do you have anybody you don’t like (Maybe not hate – just don’t like)? They are loud, smell bad, are foolish, hurtful, critical, nasty, and foul, someone who has hurt you, someone who doesn’t like you. You say, “They don’t like me and I don’t like them!”

God loves them. God wants to help you to love them like He does.

Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the (sinners) doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” God loves them – God wants me to love them just like He does.

 

How does He love them? A counselee told me about the lousy family she grew up in – how badly she was still being treated. She said, “I have forgiven them, but I don’t owe them anything! They never built a relationship with me. If they are sick or hurt, it is no different than if it were a stranger. I stay away from them!” Aren’t you glad God didn’t forgive you that way?

His love is very practical. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:20). “There is no love which does not become help.” (Paul Tillich).

“But they don’t deserve it!” That is the point of love. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). “Most men need more love than they deserve.” (Marie Von Ebner – Eschenbach). That is me, you, the people you like, the people you don’t like. Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34)

This principle not just about outsiders. This principle hits us right where we live. It probably has to be used more in your home than out of your home. “Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” (From the Hoosier Farmer)

Chew on this for a little while. God loves the people you don’t like. Do you? He is ready to give you the power to love them too.

Product Description
REVISED AND WITH A NEW FOREWORDARE YOU GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT?Originally published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of couples attain more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. The 20th anniversary edition contains extensive revisions to this groundbreaking book, with a new chapter, new exercises, and a foreword detailing Dr. Hendrix’s updated philosophy for eliminating all negativity from couples’ daily interactions, … More >>

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

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A Marriage Book with a Difference! A Revolutionary Message “I’ve been married 35 years and have not heard this taught.” “This is the key that I have been missing.” “A lightbulb moment.” “You connected all the dots for me.” “As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material.” “You’re on to something huge here.” A Simple Message A wife has one driving need — to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving n… More >>

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

There are so many lies and misunderstandings about love that it is long past time to set the record straight. It is critical for us to separate lies from truth about love because we human beings and everything else that exists in the universe are created out of love. 

Lie No. 1: The opposite of love is hatred.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The opposite of love is judgment. This is like matter and anti-matter: love and judgment cannot co-exist at the same point in time, space, or any other dimension. Where there is judgment, there is diminished or no love at all. Whenever and however we judge someone or something, we are not loving unconditionally that person or something.

Think about this. More importantly, feel with it. Love feels great. Do we not crave love and bask in its glow? Yet the one thing most of us fear and loathe more than anything else is the mere possibility of being judged in some manner.

Judgment terrifies us so much that we will keep silent rather than be judged for speaking out.  We refuse to take risks and pass up opportunities for fear of somehow failing (another judgment).Wallowing in our pits of ambivalence, we avoid intimacy out of our fear of being judged by another person.

We dare not even think about our fear of being judged by God. 

Lie No. 2: Love hurts.

No, it does not. Review Lie No. 1. Love is a free-flowing torrent that yields and adapts at the blink of an eye. That is why it feels so wonderful.

If love hurts, then somehow and in some way, there is judgment attached or involved in such love, and it is no longer true, meaning unconditional.

Judgment is rigid, unmoving, and unbending. This characteristic of judgment is precisely how it places limits–meaning conditions, standards, or expectations–on love. And whenever there are limits on love, the unavoidable consequence is pain, hurt, and tragedy beyond comprehension.

Lie No. 3: Love is hard.

Wrong again. Love–the unconditional variety–is the easiest thing in the world. Judgment is hard. Judgment makes love unnecessarily hard by making it needlessly complex thanks to the conditions, standards, and expectations it places on love.

Judgment is also tough–and damn proud of it. The very phrase “tough love” means that there is judgment involved, but perhaps not in the manner expected.

Some examples will help clarify our understanding here. The parents who keep bailing their adult children out of trouble do so out of need. Their need stems from their judgment-based expectations about what constitutes “good” parenting.

A wife refuses to leave an abusive husband because she has judged herself unworthy of a kinder life partner. She does not know consciously that she has this judgment against herself. But it is reflected back to her in abuse from an unloving spouse. 

Lie No. 4: There’s a price to pay for love.

No, no, no! Unconditional love exacts no price, imposes no penalties, makes no demands. It just is.

If the love we experience imposes a price, then what we are encountering is conditional, limited love. 

Lie No. 5: Love conquers all.

Sad to say, this isn’t true, either. Love cannot conquer fear. In the short term, fear trumps love. Fear is what drives most people on this planet to do, say, and act in crazy, incomprehensible ways.

And so love waits, with infinite patience, for us to become tired of our fears, bored with our games, fed up with our isolation. Love may not conquer all, but because it is unlimited and unending, love ultimately triumphs over fear.

Love waits for each of us, too. So what are we waiting for?