Archive for November 2009
Why Real Love Requires Self Love
MAIN QUOTE
“We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves.†~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945
DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS
As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?†Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.
Laugh and Love your Dog
I found a rugged quartz crystal in our garden yesterday and brought it to my writing table, to gaze at its beauty and reveal its mystery as I write, like gazing into a crystal ball.
The five crystals in the center of it are perfect, in their own wild way, like the days I spent in total conflict with myself, with society and the world.
It brings to mind one of my favorite Alphia stories, my golden German Shepard Collie of the 1960’s, the pre-Funk commune years, occurring several months after the communal caravan arrived in San Francisco.
We found our large Victorian house after several weeks of illegal camping around the jagged Pacific shore hideaways and in the many untamed parks for which the city is famous.
The caravan people had remained disgruntled in spite of the constant dog/God guidance surrounding us.
A chasm developed between those who wanted to join the ranks of the work-a-day world, and the four of us who went on to establish the Funky Farm community and knew that going to work was antithetical to living creatively by the seat of our pants.
I had come to a place within myself where I needed to live outside of the mainstream, established 9-5 ho-hum I’m beaten down, kill me now style of existence I imagined my father ascribing to for his thirty-five working years, at the same place, doing the same job, everyday. I’d think of an exhilarating alternative, bet on that.
Channel for Love
I just saved a Bull Frog in the cistern we are restoring in our 100 year old barn. She is a beautiful creature and has lived there for for perhaps more than a year. But since we are about to do some heavy duty construction on the barn’s foundation, I needed to go down through a very narrow hole to retrieve her.
I grabbed her with two hands and looked into her eyes before placing her in a plastic jar to hand to Tom, my husband, who had created a large pool for her in the basement.
A Saint Francis moment, indeed.
Saint Francis moments abound here on Blue Heron Farm, which we call this beautiful place.
We live on the meandering Conestoga River, bringing geese, heron, ducks and bird life to us in abundance. And Frogs, of course.
We have deer friends who are secure here after our eighteen years of residency.
One friend in particular is a deep brown color and we plant a tomato garden for her and her family every year.
She stands and looks at us in the early spring each year as if to say: Hey! Don’t forget to plant my garden!!
Humans are not the most trustworthy species as far as deer are concerned.
The fifth aphorism of Pananjali states: “When a person is steadfast in his abstention from harming others, then all living creatures will cease to feel enmity in his presence.”
Love Itself
We’ve all heard this before: Fear is the opposite of love and faith. Fear is a good indicator that we’re not living in the present moment and we’ve forgotten to seek out solitude.
I had a friend once who was driven to get rid of fear in his and his familie’s life to such an extent that he took his family up in a private plane, ignoring the pleas of his 8 year old daughter not to go, and crashed into the side of a mountain in Northern California.
They were instantly killed.
We were doing river rafting trips together down the Klamath River. This was his summer business and I worked with and for him.
He was consumed by the need to get rid of all fear. I could not grasp this concept nor get into his enthusiasm for this goal. And when all 4 of these wonderful people met an untimely death, I began to see fear as a teacher in life. It exists in all of our lives for a reason.
The elimination of inner fear is worthy of our focus. I believe my friend became confused about what kind of fear could or could not be dealt with by self-will or god/ess will.
Resistance to life is the #1 fear I am working on, for instance. I am a night person and resist getting out of bed every single day.
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